This, will be ranted about. At length.
-Snark Sister Jane-
This, will be ranted about. At length.
-Snark Sister Jane-
We decided it’d be better to start this blog with something which demonstrates the silliness that is “the World after Twilight.” Opening an atlas or Google Maps on Europe is highly encouraged.
Now, if you would, go back in time to the spring of 2010 when you were still impatiently waiting for the release of Eclipse - or the release dates of Eclipse to be precise.
Let’s just take a look at this list.
There are obviously many things wrong on this list. While we are certainly not naive when it comes to the education of an average “Twi-hard” OR Stephanie Meyer (no offence), we took it as our mission to er… enlighten everyone. Including ourselves.
Back to business - greatest nonsense of all of this - do you see this?
Europe & Middle East
"I’ll show you a housewife."
Since when is the New World “domestic”? Or is this some kind of a new housewife movement? Still, I guess that’s alright. For the film makers this is true; Eclipse is an American movie based on an American novel situated in Northwestern America. But here’s the thing; Twilight (The Saga) isn’t exclusively American. The pesky little thing has found its way around the world and won over fans everywhere. Let’s just ignore the ridiculousness of the previous statement for a moment and see what the list says about rest of the world.
By what logic have Europe and Middle East been bunched together while “Eastern Europe” apparently deserves a category of its own? More than 20 years after the dissolution of the Soviet bloc, might I add. Europe is a continent and as far as I know, Middle East is not. It’s just Europe. And the Middle East. They’re neighbours, how lovely. They can hold hands when they go to see the film at the theatre together. It’s not like they’re expected to pick sides in a fight…
English Language - is this a continent? Seeing as it’s got this huge headline. These are countries, not languages. The term you’re looking for is English Speaking Countries, peabrain.
Let’s have a closer look at the list and countries mentioned.
- Benelux – Belgium: June 30 2010
- Benelux – Netherland: June 30 2010
The date is the same so why specify - oh, I know. It must be the absence of Luxembourg. But if that is case, why not just list the individual countries and move on?
- Italy: June 30 2010
- Middle East – Egypt: TBA
- Middle East – Lebanon: July 8 2010
- Middle East – UAE: July 8 2010
They did warn that Middle Eastern countries would be included in this. Still - thanks for pointing out that UAE or Lebanon are indeed not in Europe. Silly European us might get confused. One moment there’s Germany and the next… Hey, look! Another European country. Yay! This is where things get interesting.
- Scandinavia – Denmark: June 30 2010
- Scandinavia – Finland: June 30 2010
- Scandinavia – Norway: June 30 2010
- Scandinavia – Sweden: June 30 2010
Let’s back up a little:
- France: July 7 2010
- Germany: July 15 2010
- Austria: July 16 2010
- Greece: June 30 2010
- Iceland: June 30 2010
- Israel: July 1 2010
What is it that you see there between Greece and Israel? Could it be? Oh, yes, yes it is Iceland - another Scandinavian country. Even the release date matches. So, could you please, explain this to me as if I was four; why the hell isn’t Iceland listed under the Nordic countries alongside with Denmark, Finland, Norway and Sweden? More importantly, why are any of them listed as Scandinavian countries under Europe & Middle East? If you had to add that Scandinavia there, couldn’t you have made into a nice subheading? Why act like Scandinavia is part of these countries’ names? If this is the extent of the American school system - and I’m blatantly assuming that this list was in fact written by an American instead of an European idiot - is it any wonder that Europeans don’t care whether - GAH! I’m so mad I can’t think of a bad enough insult to the American geography.
- Spain: June 30 2010
- Switzerland, French: July 7 2010
- Switzerland, German: July 14 2010
- Switzerland, Italian: June 30 2010
- Turkey: June 30 2010
Jane: “Turkey? Part of Europe? Yes, technically, but only a small portion of it. Then again, if EU can look past that, so can the Finn in me.”
Daria: “You forgot it’s Europe & the Middle East. Minus us Easteners.”
Jane: “I did forget that. Speaking off… I’m just going to leave this here and retreat to a safe distance.”
- Bulgaria: July 9 2010
- CIS: July 1 2010
- Croatia: June 30 2010
- Croatia – Slovenia: June 30 2010
- Czech Republic: July 1 2010
- Slovak Republic: July 1 2010
- Hungary: June 30 2010
- Poland: July 2 2010
- Romania: June 30 2010
- Serbia: July 1 2010
- Ukraine: July 8 2010
This part makes me want to throw my laptop out of the window and bang my head against a wall until I faint. Or something.
Allow me enlighten you:
The Czech Republic. Is. Right. In. The. Middle. Of. Europe.
I should know. I live in there. Think of Emerald City in Oz if it’s easier for you to remember.
It’s 2011, there’s no such thing as Soviet bloc anymore and if you ever visit Europe, do yourself a favour and visit those countries on your list. Rent a car in Hungary and simply cross the border to Romania. Note the differences. Then go back to Austria, which is “West” to you, I guess. Again - look around. See any big differences to Hungary? Didn’t think so.
Also answer this question: How do you get to the Czech Republic from Austria? Yes, you have to go North. Or more like… West.
CIS is not a country. I don’t even feel like explaining this. But really, those are independent states, you know. I feel so emotionally drained. Use Google for more information, pretty please.
What the bloody hell does "Croatia-Slovenia" mean? Slovenia is in no way part of Croatia and it NEVER EVER was. Trust me, I have a Bachelor’s Degree in this s…tuff. IT USED TO BE freaking Yugoslavia. And before THAT, it was all part of Austria-Hungary.
Slovak Republic - it’s Slovakia, dumbass. Or did you add the “Republic” part so poor Slovaks wouldn’t complain that Czechs have something which Slovaks do not? Yeah, well, didn’t think so. While you have to use “Czech Republic” because there’s no such thing as Czechia and “Bohemia” somehow… got a whole new meaning (sadly), either use “Slovakia”or be consistent and use ALL official names of countries. Now that would be fun.
Republic of Finland, Kingdom of Sweden, Russian Federation…
- Baltics – Estonia: July 9 2010
- Baltics – Latvia: July 9, 2010
- Baltics – Lithuania: July 2 2010
Let me just point out that all three countries mentioned above are on the same longitude as Finland - if not slightly more to the west - but they’re called Eastern European countries whereas Finland is not. Why is that exactly? Do we really have to bring the politics into this discussion?
No, we won’t do that. It’s a post for another time.
P.S. Special thanks to Michelle for helping us with grammar.
Our first real post is coming soon and this is its soundtrack.
We are two European girls brought together by Twilight, Twitter and endless supply of sarcasm. So far we’ve kept our comments around the 140 character limit, but lately, it just hasn’t been enough. This is why we decided to create this blog to document our silly, but sometimes accurate, overreactions.
The Frenchie, she is just along for the ride.
We love to read, and because we were brought together by four very silly books, we fear that the Twilight fanfiction community will get the blunt of our cranky needling and perpetual sarcasm.
Examples and links will be used, but only because we’re - at least I am - too lazy to hunt down every offender in the hundreds of thousands fics found on the internet and because going behind people’s back isn’t a very nice thing to do either.
To all authors featured on this blog: Please know that the fact we criticise something in your fic only means we found your story worth reading and loved it enough to devote our time to point these things out.
Have fun and don’t take us - or yourself - too seriously!
We’re getting things organised before the actual posting. Snark to follow.